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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24810277">Shadows of Angband</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking'>starlightwalking</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avarin Rog, Background Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Name Changes, Post-Nirnaeth Arnoediad, Post-Rescue from Thangorodrim, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:53:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24810277</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Maedhros and Rôg find and comfort one another, but there are greater forces at work in Beleriand than what friendship lies between them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maedhros | Maitimo/Rog</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Dialogue Prompts</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Maedhrôg + "You're trembling."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/aronoiiel/gifts">aronoiiel</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Maedhros/Rôg (or as I have begun to call it, Maedhrôg) is the hot new ship on tumblr and I am definitely here for it! These pieces, while requested separately from one another, were written as being part of the same universe. I wanted to explore the possible relationship between these two escapees of Angband, how Fingon fit into the picture (because I can't write Maedhros without writing Russingon), and how these strong-willed lords balanced their personal desires and their responsibilities.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For aronoiiel &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’re trembling.”</p><p>Maitimo froze. Behind him, Rôg sighed. “I did not mean to startle you. Forgive me, my lord.”</p><p>“No—please don’t call me that,” he rasped. “Just…” And again he found himself unable to say it, the name he’d always called himself. Maitimo he was no longer, but Russandol was Finno’s name for him and it felt wrong to give it away even if he could no longer look Finno in the eye, and Nelyafinwë would not do at all, not for a follower of of Nolofinwë…</p><p>And there he was, shaking again. Rôg crouched in front of him, his dark eyes steady. “Can I hold your hand?” he asked.</p><p>“I…what?” Maitimo said.</p><p>“Your hand.” Rôg extended his own: rough, callused, scarred. He was missing half his ring finger past the knuckle. “I find it helps, sometimes, if someone is there to ground you.”</p><p>No one had held his hand since… He shuddered, trying not to remember, and extended his palm. Rôg’s grip was firm, and despite himself Maitimo relaxed.</p><p>“Thank you,” he whispered, glancing back up into Rôg’s eyes. This was the one nér he had managed to look in the eye for longer than a moment since he had been freed—the one nér who looked at him with <em>understanding</em>, not pity or fear or hate.</p><p>Rôg looked nothing like him: he was broad-shouldered, not too tall, dark of skin and hair, and his scars were from hard labor in the mines, not the torture Maitimo had been forced to endure. He was an Avar who swore himself into Nolofinwë’s service; his loyalties were not to Maitimo. But he had been to Angamando and made his way out, and he knew, he knew what the others could not, and he knew how to help.</p><p>“You…your name,” he found himself saying. He wasn’t trembling anymore; Rôg seemed to absorb his excess energy into that firm and solid body. “Is it…Avarin?”</p><p>Rôg laughed, a low rumble that woke something in Maitimo he didn’t know he still could feel. “My first name was Rōka,” he said. “Strength, in the Hwendi tongue. But when I was taken, I fought like a demon, they said, and when they broke me they named me Rôg. A bastardized name, some said. A name to make me less elvish, more like them, others said. When I escaped I kept the name. I am a demon—but I am a demon to them. They will fear me and know me by the name they gave me, know who it is that will destroy them.”</p><p>This time, Maitimo shudder was of a different kind: not of fear but of <em>admiration</em>. Yes, this is what he wanted to be: vengeful, strong. Like the Valcaraucar—<em>Balrogs</em>, in the Þindarin tongue. Fire demons. Rōka was their demon; he could be, perhaps, their fire.</p><p>“I…admire that,” he said at last. “Very much.”</p><p>“You said not to call you ‘lord.’” Rôg tilted his head. “But you did not give me a name by which to call you.”</p><p>“None of my old names fit,” he admitted. Rôg rubbed circles on his hand with his thumb, and the tension slowly eased out of him as he continued. “But Moringotto…he did not give me a new name. I do not know what to call myself anymore.”</p><p>Rôg thought for a moment. “I am not one of your loremasters in the speech of these lands, or in the ones you came from,” he said. “But perhaps you could find what you like of the names you were given, and craft them into something new. Something you choose. I hear that the other lords are changing their names, to speak better with the Sindar. You may have to change it anyway.”</p><p>“Hm,” Maitimo said. “That is a thought.” He liked the idea; perhaps he would take the <em>Mait</em> from his amilessë, for he liked the sound. And <em>Russ</em> from the name Finno gave him, because despite all else he endured his hair still blazed like russet fire. Certainly <em>Nelya</em> would not do, not if he went through with his plan to cede the crown to Nolofinwë; <em>Finwë</em> would be pointless after removing himself and his brothers from the line of succession…</p><p>He lost himself in his thoughts, happily still for the first time in days. At last, Rôg rose, and to his surprise Maitimo found himself clutching his hand, not wanting him to leave.</p><p>“Oh?” Rôg said, a sharp-toothed smile glinting at him. “Do you wish me to stay, friend?”</p><p><em>Friend</em>. Yes, that was something he was happy to be called—someone’s friend, someone’s equal. Not the poor thing Findekáno dragged home from the cliffside, not the fallen prince or Kinslayer waiting to bite the hand that fed him. A friend, a companion.</p><p>“If…you would,” Maitimo (Mait-russ?) admitted. “I…you are better company than any other. And—you bring me peace. I want you here.”</p><p>It felt strange, to say those words, when he thought he never would again, and with someone who was not Finno… But Finno treated him <em>different</em> now, no less loving, no less kind; in fact, even more, and that was what stifled him. It was too <em>much</em>; perhaps later, they could rekindle what they had, but now, he needed a nér who was solid, who was strong, who was real. A nér like Rôg.</p><p>“I want you,” he whispered as Rôg knelt back down, drawing his new friend closer. “I did not think I would want again, but I do, and you are…”</p><p>“Do you want me to kiss you, my friend?” Rôg rumbled, and Maitruss (no, <em>Maedhros</em>, with the Þindarin words, he would soon decide) blushed. “I know how it feels to miss touch, intimacy, and yet fear it. We need not do anything else.”</p><p><em>We</em>, he said, and the word was sweet on his tongue. Maedhros clung tighter to his hand and Rôg cupped his face with the other that he could not hold, and then kissed him, and oh—his lips were even sweeter.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Rebloggable on tumblr <a href="https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/619752156916056066/dialogue-meme-youre-trembling-for">here</a>.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Maedhrôg + "I'm not going anywhere."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For an anon!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m not going anywhere,” Rôg said firmly. “I know you want me to go with you, and part of me wants that, too, but—I swore myself to Turukáno’s service, and he is staying here.”</p><p>Maedhros nodded, his mouth a tight line. He had expected this, though some foolish part of him had hoped otherwise. He and Rôg were…<em>close</em>, in a way he had never thought to be close to anyone other than Finno, but the reason they fit together so well was precisely <em>because</em> they were not like he and Finno had been. They were independent, supporting each other but not <em>needing</em> each other. Rôg was his own nér, free to make his own choices without feeling bound to Maedhros.</p><p>“I understand,” he said, and he <em>did</em>. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.</p><p>“And…” Rôg sighed, his broad shoulders slumping. “You would have me follow you back to the North. I am not afraid of seeing the walls of Thangorodrim again, and I have less reason to fear them than you, my friend, but—I do not desire to <em>live</em> there, only to make war.”</p><p>“Finno thinks I have gone mad again,” Maedhros said, a tinge of bitterness to his voice. “He thinks I should be stopped from returning to the place he worked so hard to save me from.”</p><p>“He cares about you.” Rôg laid a hand on Maedhros’ arm.</p><p>“He doesn’t know me anymore.” Maedhros bowed his head. He <em>missed</em> his once-lover, and now here he was, about to lose another. “Not like you do.”</p><p>Rôg kissed him, firm and solid. He wasn’t over-gentle like Finno tried to be, but he was careful not to push too far. He had taught Maedhros how to reach that same balance with him, how to bend but not break, how to find himself again after all he had been through. Maedhros was his own nér, too, and he did not <em>need </em>Rôg’s company—but that did not mean he did not <em>want</em> it.</p><p>“You know yourself, now,” Rôg informed him, pressing their foreheads together. “He can get to know the new you, if he tries. And perhaps it is not only <em>you</em> who has changed, friend.”</p><p>That was probably true; for all Maedhros had endured Angamando, Finno had endured the Ice. He smiled, scars stretching across his lips, and gave Rôg one final kiss.</p><p>“I will miss you,” he admitted. “But I am glad to have been your friend, Rôg.”</p><p>“And I yours,” Rôg echoed. “We will meet again, I am sure of it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I feel a little bad for what was probably intended to be a hurt/comfort prompt and turning it into a bittersweet farewell, but... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p><p>Rebloggable on tumblr <a href="https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/619956342109634560/loved-the-rog-and-maedhros-one-you-wrote-can-we">here</a>.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Maedhrôg + "I might never get another chance to say this."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This last prompt was written by me for me, because I wanted a conclusion to this piece :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I might never get another chance to say this,” Rôg began.</p><p>Maedhros did not turn to acknowledge him. He stood, facing the sunset, stiff and silent. Everything about him was like that, now. If he tried to bend, he would break. It was just like so long ago on the shores of Mithrim, when he was newly-freed from Angband and Rôg had helped him find his footing. But Maedhros had learned to lean on Fingon, in Rôg’s absence, and now he paid the price for that dependency.</p><p>“I love you,” Rôg said quietly.</p><p>Maedhros said nothing. Once such a declaration would have shocked him to his core. But that was before he and Fingon found each other again. Before he had lost Fingon to a more permanent separation.</p><p>“I do not expect you to return such,” Rôg continued; “frankly, I did not expect to feel such. But there it is: I love you, and you have lost your truest love. I only want you to know that while he may be gone, you are not alone. You are not unloved.”</p><p>Maedhros trembled. He wanted Rôg to come closer, to hold him, to kiss the grief and pain away—but that would leave him only feeling worse, and he knew Rôg knew that too.</p><p>“I must go,” Rôg murmured. “I am a lord in my own right, now, and have a House to lead.” He hesitated, then added, “I do not think we will meet again, my friend. Something within me forebodes a terrible doom upon us both.”</p><p>“Rôg,” Maedhros rasped, just as he turned to go. Rôg paused, and for the first time Maedhros looked at him: tall and strong and handsome as ever, the weight of the centuries lifting him up in his new station and his pride, instead of wearing him down as they had Maedhros himself.</p><p>“Thank you,” he whispered at last. “I…” He could not find the words.</p><p>But Rôg nodded, finding as he always did understanding in his eyes. “You are most welcome, friend.”</p><p>That was the last time Maedhros saw him. In a way, he was grateful that Rôg did not see the monster he afterward became.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Rebloggable on tumblr <a href="https://arofili.tumblr.com/post/621134914695331840/a-self-indulgent-conclusion-to-the-first-two">here</a>.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading, and please comment if you enjoyed!<br/>You can find me on tumblr <a href="http://arofili.tumblr.com/">@arofili</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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